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put it inside a happy meal

Give them away like Inkjet printer manufacturers give printers...make your money off of content services - the way printer manufacturers make their money by selling ink.

create a modern OS and office suite that runs on old 386s and recycle

Flavors of the above: package them as a free component of a larger service. Like an automated appliance at no-charge to read utility meters, or as a component to provide TV connectivity.

Start with PC recycling centers.

Allow corporates to sponsor free PCs in return for gathering non-private demographic info on the users

By growing more morons like the first idea

DOnating second hand PCs to the needy.

By preloading the PCs with adware ( with consent of the owner of free PC)